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In This Article:
- Why quitting for others may not work long-term
- The psychological power of selfish motivation
- How relationships can complicate smoking cessation
- Financial, health, and role model reasons to quit
- Using rewards and incentives as motivators
[Editor's Note: While this article pertains specifically to smoking, its insights and advice can also be applied to other "addictive behaviors" such as overeating, undereating, gambling, alcohol or drug misuse, hoarding, sugar addiction, shopping, self-mutilation, etc. etc. Just replace the word "smoker" or "smoking" with whichever addiction(s) pertains to you.]
Selfish Motivation: The Best Reason to Quit
by Karen Pine and Ben Fletcher, authors of the book: Love Not Smoking: Do Something Different.
Although it's highly likely that the smoker has other people in mind when they draw up a list of reasons for quitting, ultimately the quitter has to do it for themselves alone. However desperately you would like the other person to quit, they are the one in charge.
If the quitter makes other people the sole reason for quitting, they are likely to fail. So step back from the 'do it for me' and 'do it for the kids' messages. Selfish motivation is powerful and has to come before doing it for others.
Quitting for Someone Else: What If You Get Mad At Them?
In relationships, if one person quits solely for the other person, there's a danger that smoking becomes a weapon in the relationship. So if a couple has a row, for example, or one is upset by something the other has done, the quitter may go back to smoking merely out of spite, frustration or disappointment.
Similarly, doing it for the kids is fine so long as when the kids are driving everyone crazy and being selfish (as all kids can be) the smoker doesn't think 'to hell with this' and reach for a cigarette. Having said that, kids can put powerful pressure on parents not to smoke and, since no parent wants their child to smoke, the prospect of being a non-smoking role model is one to which most parents would aspire. Because the children of smokers are more likely to become smokers themselves. Besides which, who would willingly want to expose their children or spouse to second-hand smoke and fumes?
Social, Financial, Health Reasons: Powerful Motivators
Doing it for oneself, for social, financial and health reasons is powerfully motivating, and knowing that others will benefit too is really the icing on the cake.
Giving up because you are pregnant is, of course, one of those exceptional situations where the needs of another may come before your own. Knowing the risks of cigarette smoke to the unborn child (low birthweight and increased susceptibility to illness, Sudden Infant Death Syndrome and learning problems) must rank among the highest selfless reasons for not smoking.
Reward and Incentives
We're not underestimating the power of rewards and incentives here. If quitting for a good cause will spur your loved one on, go for it. Help them set up their own fundraising page at www.justgiving.com and invite others to sponsor the quit.
- Do say: do it for yourself; you are the one who matters here.
- Don't say: think about me/the kids/other people.
©2011 by Ben [C] Fletcher & Karen Pine.
Reprinted with permission of the publisher,
Hay House Inc. www.hayhouse.com. All Rights Reserved.
This article was adapted with permission from the book:
Love Not Smoking: Do Something Different
by Karen Pine and Ben Fletcher.
Love Not Smoking uses scientifically proven psychological techniques to train your brain to anticipate different rewards; swap old habits for new, revitalizing ones; and learn new ways to relieve stress and get more pleasure out of your days. Giving up smoking doesn’t have to be a nightmare. Forget willpower and withdrawal — the six-week LOVE NOT SMOKING program will help you quit for good and also give you the tools for reclaiming your passion for life.
Click Here For More Info or to Order This Book.
About the Authors
Karen Pine and Ben Fletcher are both professors of psychology at the University of Hertfordshire in the UK, and are renowned experts on behavior modification. Their Do Something Different technique has had huge success in helping people lose weight, tackle stress, and improve health and well-being. Visit www.lovenotsmoking.com, where you can join Karen and Ben’s Facebook group for support, advice, and ideas. And when you’re out and about, the Love Not Smoking app will give you instant inspiration, methods to fight off cravings, and even something to occupy your twitchy fingers!
Article Recap:
This article explores why self-motivation is the most reliable path to quitting smoking. While social, familial, and health reasons can play a role, lasting change often begins with prioritizing your own needs and desires. Putting yourself first isn't selfish—it's strategic.
#quitsmoking #selfmotivation #mentalhealth #healthyliving #smokefree #addictionrecovery #innerselfcom
Selfish Motivation: The Best Reason to Quit Anything by Karen Pine and Ben Fletcher. Ever tried quitting for someone else and failed? This article makes a strong case for putting *yourself* first. Quitting for you might just be the key. #quitsmoking #selfmotivation #wellness #innerselfcom Click to find out why it works.
